Examine the social context and the implications of securitizations of migration.

Introduction – On Anthropology of Security
The current generation of information warfare has had a tremendous effect on intra-national and international security. It is no longer mere barbed wires and men in uniforms wielding guns and tanks. Technological advancements used in abundance by nation states for surveillance, criminal investigations and protection of public and private spaces, have given new meaning to the concept of security. Hence, in the introduction to the book The Anthropology of Security – Perspectives from Frontline Policing, Counter – Terrorism and Border Control (2014), it says,
“…depending on the breadth of one’s definition, security may refer to everything from war to structural violence, from cutting-edge technology to barbed wire fences. Today, security is everywhere. Today, the concept of security is fashionable yet elusive, elastic yet operational.” (Maguire, Froist, Zurawski, 2014: 1)
Before going further, a brief acquaintance with the classical theory behind security shall give us a better idea of the discourse. The concept of security is as old as the concepts of nation and states. Thomas Hobbes in Leviathan finds security as a basic function of the state. To get protection from certain natural threats to mankind, people came together, giving up some of their freedom, under a single, powerful, sovereign authority. Fear – of surroundings, of extinction, of known and unknown threats – was the driving force for the formation of state as a political collectivity with shared goals. Hobbes did recognize the subjectivity of fears and the state’s responsibility or discretion of choosing collective fears of the community that it would guard them against. The fear dominant in public is often taken up by the state for action. Hobbes found fear also to be the creator of the “collective moral ethos” of people under the state. A state’s successful authority and control according to Hobbes, depended on its ability to define this moral ethos. The assumption is that the state, a political collective of people, works in the best interest of these people. (Goldstein, 2010: 490)
Scholars like Charles Louis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu differed from Hobbesian conception of the absolutist state and gave the concept of liberal state but again, fear was the basis of such a state. It was maintained by these philosophers that the fear of despotic rule will make people opt for a more liberal state in which there would be mediation between individuals and organizations in a system of political competition. This they found to be a more progressive state which allowed more space for individual freedom. For Montesquieu fear of political absolutism was greater than fear of threat from outside. The next school of thought on the matter came from Marx who maintained that the state in the capitalist society derives its power from conflict in the competition of private property and individual wealth. For Marx, it was alienation which required the security of the state. (Goldstein, 2010: 491)
In the contemporary age, security is not natural response to natural stimuli. Neither is security confined at the level of the state. There exist bodies like the UN which have contributed to world peace keeping and security. We have these forums so that nation states can discuss their interests which need to be secured and negotiations are forged at a global level. Security is determined by notions of threats, risks and insecurities. From policing to national and international defense deployments, security is a result of an intricate nexus between historical, political, socio-economic and material conditions of a society. Every nation has its own definitions and guidelines for internal security. For example the national policy on security of the Dutch lays emphasis on “vital interests” while defining security and these range from economic to ecological. The definition keeps expanding in the contemporary times in keeping with different events of national and international significance. (Maguire et. al. 2014) Scholars of anthropology of security have always viewed security as a discourse and a practice which often stem from the conditions discussed above and cultural ideas about risks and threats. Daniel Goldstein finds anthropology apt as the discipline to discuss the concept of security due to its ability to study in depth local contexts and locate its position in the global discourse. This ability of anthropology to transcend the broad global definitions of security has implications on policies which affect millions. Ethnographic research on criminalization, construction of fear, securitization of spaces, etc. have provided insights which can be incorporated into a theory of security. Goldstein devises,
“…a broader comparative ethnography of security, one that would place security as the center of global society and its contemporary problematics, revealing the important ways in which “security” in its many forms is operative in daily lives and communities of people with whom anthropologists work.” (Goldstein, 2010: 488)
Defining security needs discussions on that which needs to be secured and that from which the security is needed. In the post modern, neoliberal scenario, security and the need for it goes beyond the realm of nation states. It is in this framework that a discussion of the social context of cross border migration and its implications on security can be discussed. The following section discusses the post 9/11 conception and process of securitization and its relevance and implications in studying the phenomenon of cross border migration.
Securitization in the context of Migration
On September 11, 2001, the USA was shaken awake to a reality it thought only existed in less powerful developing world. The attacks on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon were symbolic. This was not just a major breach in the security of the most powerful nation in the world but also a statement of resentment. As Goldstein notes, this was an attack on the nation’s philosophical and economic foundations. 9/11 ushered in the era of the “global war on terror” waged by USA and its allies in the Middle East. Goldstein writes,
“…the world had entered a kind of “security moment”, a new phase of global history characterized by increased surveillance of potential security threats, expansive government powers to investigate security breaches, armed intervention in places abroad that supposedly fostered and restrictions on individual freedoms in the name of protecting personal and national security.” (Goldstein, 2010: 487)

The most discussed aspect of security by scholars and activists alike is its impingement on individual rights of freedom, liberty, movement and privacy. In the very recently held National Convention on Digital India, by the Department of Sociology at Jamia Millia Islamia, Law and Poverty expert Usha Ramanathan criticized the UIDAI’s Adhar Card initiative due to its unethical and ineffective use of biometrics as a form of identification and surveillance. Her close association with those at the helm of affairs in the unique identification drive has highlighted the fact that the nature and conditions of India’s population makes biometrics a challenge. This can have serious consequences for an individual whose biometric record has errors. She stated that the reason it is still used is because of the motive of converging all demographic and personal data of citizens into a single number identifiable anywhere across the country. If this biometric information becomes requisite to avail every last service that the state provides, it will systematically exclude a lot of people whose biometric data has countered errors. The more problematic part according to Ramanathan is the idea of ownership of this vital data. The UIDAI will own and maintain all the information that is collected for Adhar. Loopholes in laws to protect individual freedom and privacy in India make this a dangerous proposition.
Ramanathan’s arguments on technology and surveillance for internal security bring us to the age old question of “us and them”. Internal surveillance is very much a way of monitoring trends and shifts in demography. Surveillance technologies have successfully maintained the distinction between citizens and non citizens through the process of identification. This has transcended national territories and the result has been things like Interpol interventions, airport detentions, etc.
Security has been in use as a means of exclusion and seclusion at several places. Immigration policies of the powerful first world countries are often very stringent. They have become more so ever since 9/11 which has contributed to modern stereotyping of threat categories. Reiterating his experiences from his fieldwork on deported foreign nationals and foreign national prisoners Ines Hassleberg writes,
“During the past decades, immigration policies have been refined to broaden eligibility for deportation and allow easier removal of the unwanted foreign nationals. Deportation is today a normalized and distinct form of state power.” (Hassleberg in Maguire et. al. 2014: 139)
He goes on to state that deportation is justified by authorities on the grounds of public anxiety over migrants taking up their spaces, jobs and sense of security. He shows how the threat of the immigrant comes from “a climate of politicized suspicion of asylum seekers.” (142). This constructed fear of refugees then gets transmitted to the public conscience and has eventually seen to get aggravated due to incidents like London Bombings of 2005. The mass release of foreign national prisoners without deportation in 2006 in UK, had led to serious anxieties and fears of more terrorist attacks among the public. This led to major changes in British policies of deportation. This is a classic example of how the underlying prejudices (often racial) can be used to construct public fears which can also motivate changes in public policies. The prejudices can be found in the constant reframing of policies leading to a criminalization of immigration. They can be found in differential treatment of foreign offenders and British prisoners in terms of reluctance to release even after all the rules and paperwork is up to the mark or constant surveillance after release. Finally, the prejudice shows in the everyday experiences of immigrants who carry with them a sense of injustice of not being treated as full citizens even after being given citizenship. The surveillance and vigilance on them means that there’s always the threat of arrest, detention or even expulsion from the country. The consequences of even minor offences can be severe for them in such a situation. (Hassleberg in Maguire et. al. 2014: 142, 143)
At this point, it is important to see why immigration poses a threat. It is a known fact that in-migration can affect existing social demography of a place. In such a scenario, countries with more homogeneous populations have to juggle between interests of those citizens who have always been there and that of those who seek asylum. The asylum seekers, evicted or forced to move out of their own land, are posed with problems of proving their non criminal backgrounds and also the question of their level of allegiance to the new state arises. The current scenario – people are fleeing Syria, Palestine, Iraq and several such war zones; with powerful Islamic fundamentalists on killing and subjugating spree and its powerful countering forces indiscriminately razing cities to rubble due to inefficiency of combing operations; migration has never been a bigger challenge in the global politico-economic scenario. The pressure on the nation state borders due to this is insurmountable and hence we hear cases of inefficiency and state sanctioned violence in border areas where military rules apply.
Borders to EU states, for refugees, are gateways to escape war zones and found a better life ahead for themselves. However, as Jutta Lauth Bacas (2014) notes, the reception of these people at the borders is not so rosy. Instead of treating them as people who need support and aid, the authorities treat them as illegal immigrants or potential security threats. Bacas’ study is based on the boat migrants on the Greek Island of Lesbos in the Mediterranean Sea. The migration from Turkey to Greece is a highly guarded affair and requires several forms of authentication while it is easier to go to Turkey from Greece. The Island of Lesbos faces the problem of undocumented immigrants in large numbers as it’s a sea route which can often make for easier passages in the dead of the night. The island of Lesbos is the main entrance route for unauthorized immigrants who usually have made long journeys from faraway places before reaching there. The first stop after reaching Lesbos for illegal immigrants is a mobile barrack with specialized officials for screening. Most of these people face varying levels of administrative detention, ranging from harassment, imprisonment to physical assault. From her experiences of participant observation, she notes that this detention is meted out irrespective of age, physical or mental conditions and gender of the immigrant. This practice of administrative detention has been criticized by UNHCR as unsystematic and should constitute as a last resort. However, it continues to be a regular perpetration of violence in the name of securitization.
Bacas calls the Island of Lesbos a grey zone of illegality and it indeed is so. The makeshift settlements are poorly constructed and deteriorating tarpaulin tents housing more people than they are meant for. Hygiene and sanitation, food resources or the basic conditions of human existence are in limited availability despite reforms in detention policies and volunteer initiatives from NGOs and UN. (Bacas in Maguire et. al. 2014)
Conclusion- Securitization as an Inescapable Fact
The discussion so far has shown the contexts of securitization by way of critical examination of the very need for security of people. However, are the concerns of nation states with respect to immigration completely baseless? Is securitization really much ado about nothing? In order to answer this, we need to go back to the basics and see things at a more practical level. In order to answer this, the perspective of security on its own must be looked at independent of ethnographic scrutiny, in order to grasp the full story of the needs and implications of securitizations with respect to migration. When Franz J Schuurman spoke of a great impasse in development studies, he mourned the loss of operational and measurable concepts in development studies, due to an increasing disciplinary fascination with diversity and unique case scenarios, consonant with the rise of post structuralism. The constructivist argument that all concepts and hence, knowledge derived from said concepts were socially constructed and thus had no intrinsic reality, has perhaps carried over to how the problems of migration and securitization are seen. Another related aspect of ‘critical’ views of securitization, relate to a theoretical undermining of the primacy of the nation state . The state’s authority is seen as being undermined from above, by ideas of internationalism and global forces, and from below by local identities which may sometimes be seen as suppressed nationalities within the nation-state.
However, nation states continue to remain the primary political units in the international system, and to understand the security problem that migration poses, it is essential to take a more rudimentary view of security as state security. In the realm of security studies proper, the Hobbesean influence is still pivotal in viewing security as the preservation of ‘national interest’ (itself a very contested idea).
Migration may pose severe threats to ‘national interest’. At its core, this relates to problems of insufficient integration, and differential value systems. Benedict Anderson sees the nation as an imagined political community ,sovereign and limited. The idea of community presupposes common identities, along with common value systems, and shared traits. The idea of a sovereign relates to the prerogative of nationals to decide state policy. A nation is limited in that it is territorially defined, and not coterminous with mankind as a whole. In this, context nation national identity is by definition a question of who belongs, and who doesn’t.
The influx of large number of immigrants, across national boundaries, grafts onto local society, a populace that is alien or an ‘other’ in many senses of the word. Lacking the common minimal national ethos, as well as other cultural markers such as ethnicity or faith on which the membership of the host community is implicitly or explicitly predicated, there arises the two fold threat of the migrants themselves indulging in actions against the host society, as also local communities going on a war path as their own predominance is challenged and effaced.

The long standing Bangladeshi immigrant crisis in India provides an apt illustration of both cases, where security risks are posed to the state as well as the nation in general. An Institute for Defence Studies and Analysis seminar on Illegal Bangladeshi Migration to India: Impact on Internal Security noted:

“In April, 2005 a youth organization,Chiring Chapori Yuva Mancha began a campaign against the illegal Bangladeshi immigrants. Illegal Bangladeshi Migrants are also threat to language and culture of Assam. ULFA which arose as a protest against Bangladeshis lost credibility only when its leaders took shelter in Bangladesh after the Bhutanese operation against the group in December 2003. Arrest of Bangladeshi national S. M. Alam in January 2008 by Assam Police revealed ISI’s plan to turn northeast into a volatile region. The migrants have also spread into other places like Dimapur and Kohima. The illegal migrants are not involved into terrorism in a big way, but involved in gun running, fake currency rackets and drug running.”
Similar concerns have come to the fore in terms of Syrian migration into the EU. Firstly, analysts have warned how sleeper cells of the ISIS could be active among such refugees. Secondly, the culture clash that has ensued is visible on a day to day basis in countries like Germany where large scale rioting and sexual assault of over 1000 German women by ‘refugees’ ensued on new year’s eve. The threat of violence continues to force changes to the way of life of a people, as seen by the recent decision in Germany to ban Sausages in school canteens so as to avoid immigrant violence. Empirical evidence available at the current times, would warn against underplaying the possibility of importation of external sectarian or religious conflict.
When we look at the case of West Bengal, more strategic threats begin to emerge.
“Growing population pressure in Bangladesh acts as a push factor whereas growing Indian economy, relatively less pressure on land and weak state resistance act as pull factor. Islamic fundamentalist extremist groups are growing in Bangladesh and they are able to expand their activities in West Bengal as well. Some of such organistaions are Jamait-e-Islami-e-Hind, Jamait-Ahle-Hadis, Students Islamic Organization (SIO), Students Islamic Movement of India (SIMI) and Tabligh-e-Jamat. Four of them are most active. Meetings have taken place between Jamaat-e-Islami and West Bengal based radical Muslim organizations and it is believed that ISI is behind them. There has been a growth of unauthorized, illegal madrassas all over West Bengal particularly along the Bangladesh border. They are also using Kolkota and Agartala as bases being close to the border and people from both sides speak the same language. There are also groups which are directly involved in subversive activities such as HUJI.” (IDSA)
Siliguri town acts as gateway to Guwahati, Gangtok and Kishengunj and also shares the border with Bangladesh, Bhutan and Nepal. Important highways, railways tracks, vital installations such as the airfields of Bagdogra and Hashimara and oil pipelines are located here. Increase in Muslim population in Siliguri and adjoining areas has grown at an astonishing 150% in the past seven years. There are villages in and around Siliguri which have curious population mix and often act as heaven for ISI operatives. The villages have some 2,000 Pashto and Baloch settlers from Afghanistan along with 6,000 Iraninas. The increased activity of the ISI has endangered the security of the Siliguri corridor. ISI attempted sabotage in 1999 following a bomb blast at New Jalpaiguri Station.

To take the liberty of belabouring the point further, this is the veritable ‘chicken’s neck’ linking mainland India to the North east:The XXXIII Corps area of responsibility. And influx of a population with an increasing propensity for Jihad poses critical risks on the strategic plane. A fraction of such available sub conventional reserves converted into strategic deep state assets by unfriendly external goverments created key threats to infrastructure in peacetime, and far graver threats in event of an Indo-China war especially in light of the large scale expansion of the Bangladeshi armed forces and increasing ties and interoperability of the same with the PLA. The 33 Corps as it is, has very little fighting depth due to the nature of the terrain. More recent planned deployments of a Bangladeshi battery of radar guided SAMs, north of Rangpur, creates challenges in terms of competing attempts to exert ‘influence’ over this key strategic strip in peace as in war. It would then seem prudent to argue that the presence of possible, rather probable, radical islamist manpower and networks, when coupled with possible changes in political and diplomatic dispensations in the region pose a clear and credible threat to the long term securitization of national territorial integrity.

One a more strategic level, what modern anthropological thought has been wantonly incompetent at recognizing is the drastically changed nature of warfare. Warfare is no longer purely a matter of armies assembled on the field, but rather a question of creating a strategic imbalance by means including non military means. The realm for fourth generation warfare post the 1990s, involving conflict through non state actors and the rapidly evolving understanding of fifth generation warfare, where strategic asymmetry between parties is sought to be created using information warfare (creating of subconscious narratives through media and academia),elements of the state and civil society ,as well as demographic aggression , creating and exploiting faultlines in society for supranational ideological and security interests lay bare a field where concerns of state security aren’t the a simple law and order question, but rather constitute the state as site whereby contesting and diverse interests are mobilized and operationalised. In the Indian case, this can be seen in terms of local politicians and bureaucrats turning a blind eye to illegal immigration due to economic and political benefits that may accrue to them. The struggle of ethnic assamese,bodos or tripuri people and the insurgencies and losses to life and property that these have caused, represent a struggle to protect a way of life from the vast swarms of immigrants thus facilitated. Furthermore foreign intelligence organizations wage a form of dissimilar warfare by utilizing sectarian passions to further their ultimate ends of ‘bleeding india by a thousand cuts’. The state and the civil society here is not merely a simple entity grafted onto the body politic, but rather a fracture site whereby multiple interests act and compete in cloak and dagger games. The Hobbesean view of the state as engendering a state of order as opposed to a state of chaos,while simplified, still remains pivotal. The selection,classification and socialization of chosen threats into the populace remains vital for the preservation of security in the given context. In sofar as the state is subservient to the larger nation it claims to represent, there appears nothing unnatural or alarming about its cautiousness in terms of the potential. It may be argued that anti-immigrant reactions are really natural, and in some ways fundamental to who we are as. While women and children may be accommodated more willingly, military aged men perceived as a greater threat provide a different case altogether.

In conclusion then, it may be fruitful to return to Benedict Anderson’s understanding of nations. Securitization against migration, remains not merely a question of law and order, but a question of sovereignity, of the right to self determination i.e. the ability of a national community to preserve its way of life and chart its destiny in consonance with such principles ,as well as the right to define who belongs with reference to various ‘others’. As such, while critical anthropological perspectives may have been able to shed light on the intertwined processes on securitization and migration from various viewpoints, they have had little use in the practical sense. Indeed they have often contributed indirectly, where academics has been mated to activism, in creating situations where further threats to security abound.

Men’s Day greetings.

Here’s to you magnificent beer swilling bastards.
You “Aaj tera bhai gaadi chalayega, bhen ke lund” shouting,
Profound expletive spouting whiskey tankers.
You bande lekar aaja, haymaker uppercut belting, illegal game pelting showstoppers.
Bike pey maal stalking, feel copping, aggressive panty droppers.
Tere maa Ko raat ke khoob mazzey diye, par bhai hai tu mera. Chal Abhi Goa, fuddu na ban, duniya paao mein, aur moochein Tao mein, shittalkers.
You Bandi naa thi woh, sirf ragda hi toh tha usko, while your heart breaks into a million pieces, ” ‘Tis but a scratch…”,breakup shrug-offers.
You iski maa ka bhosada, gaadi nikaal bhenchod, road brothers.
You Knife weilding, piston hearted, leather jacketed, nicotine stained fingers inches deep in wet muff in the disabled washroom locked from the inside, Rebel without a cause, but I’ll stand with you brother, if it’s the last goddamn thing I do, motherfuckers.

Every day is men’s day, when you are a man among men. Semper Virilis, gentlemen.

Of Beards and Handlebars…

I’ve had some issues with no shave November for a while. These can be summed up hence. One month isn’t enough time to grow a splendid beard or a glorious handlebar. At least it hasn’t been that way in my own experiences with growing facial hair.

The kind of attack of no shave November we see from sites of the quint-buzzfeed variety is another animal entirely. It stems from their intimidation when confronted with unbridled facial hair, and so these hippie chuts tell us to trim it down, to design our own look rather than being a ‘clone’ and to carefully ensure that everything is smooth around the edges. Gents facial hair is symbolic. It makes sense that they associate it with what they call ‘toxic’ masculinity, because it does have those connotations. Growing facial hair is something that is immensely personal, and yes, it is an individuated celebration of your own masculinity. We do not need a special day, or media campaigns or hashtags, but this. This is sacred. It’s something that is almost unacknowledged, and indeed that’s how most of us like it. Mundane little rituals like parking your bike, and running your hand through and fixing your beard in the mirror, or the ubiquitous ‘moochon Ko taav dena’ while staring someone down before a fight, or in the moment right after ditching the smoke and meeting your date, these things constitute a highly personalized celebration of the weight of attaining manhood and the ability to hold on in a world that increasingly seems to guilt you for your existence. The lad twirling his stache is essentially a man telling you this in no uncertain terms “I am still here. This is me. And I give a rat’s arse about your propaganda, and your media and your discourse. I refuse to apologise. I endure, and if you come for what’s mine, I will not seek sympathy or run and gather a mob. I will end you, personally for this is what I do.” A relatively peaceful society and your ivory towers would have you believe that it’s the cops and the law that keep you safe, but what really deters the attacker is the father who shows up on the threshold with his sons and his axe. This is what my beard has meant to me, the continual ability and the right to exert personal force against the odds, along with the accompanying consequences. The sacred and inalienable right of the last stand. And when you think that way, when you say these things, parasites and weaklings will be intimidated. They seek to constrain the very little that they cannot control. That chaotic, application of blunt force trauma that can deconstruct their best laid plans and most intricately stitched together arguments in one fell swoop. That scares them truely. That keeps them awake at night.
I’m not looking to start a cult. I’m not selling ideology here, and it’s your business whatever the hell you want to do with your facial hair or the lack of it, or if you want to shave it all off. But ain’t no weakbellied liberal media chut guilting me into deciding what to do with mine. Maa chuda lo jaakey.

An Ode to My Old Fiat.



An unspoken bond rests between a man and his car. It stems from understanding, from intimacy the likes of which,lovers seek to steal from the darkest of nights. It stems from his light touch at her wheel, and the sweet nothings she whispers back at him, the consistent purr of her engine escalating to pitch crescendo as he eggs her on, her pistons throbbing at his touch. His touch, gentle enough to not startle her, and yet firm enough to vanquish any resistance, as is the way of a man with a virgin. The rain storms down, a torrent like the tears of a fallen god, and he makes her come alive, taking her through her paces, gently caressing her treads through the curves. She moans, nay she rages..but she gets him through it all. She may not be as she once was. The menace of the years haven’t left her untouched.The years,they show on her proud visage. She has her flaws. She cant turn on a dime. Maybe she guzzles too much fuel. He knows her flaws, much as he knows HER, inside out.Every curve, every secret as if it were etched onto the very fibre of his being. She’s always been worth it all. And when the days are dark, and he lies forsaken by friends and lovers, he knows, that hope will ensue, the moment that ignition key turns, and he revs her once more unto the open highway. Rain or shine. Day or night. I’ve never quite understood what love means. But this must be the closest you can get to it.
To you then, my fair lady, this solemn proclamation. Should a day befall us, where the road of life throws us a hairpin bend that proves too steep, with my dying breath I’ll have you know that in life, you gave a man a seat he covets more than an emperor’s throne. In death, you bore a warrior to his glorious Valhalla.
But not this day. This day,we ride.

Sharab, Shabab & Kebab-Part-2

charminar   “Yaar, Zindagi  kutti cheez hai” Juggernaut moaned. I could see that he was just getting started.
“Sutta Dio”. When there is booze flowing like the goddamn Potpoto Nala in her monsoon swells, talk of that other, much more potent intoxicant- Women, can never be too far off. The lighter clicked, and i braced myself….

“Payal mere saath sahi nahin ki, yaar.” Juggernaut, moaned. “Ijjat nahin karti woh mera.”

He didn’t expect an answer. None was forthcoming. I stared at my drink in solace.

“Aur jis din usko lift diye, us din bhi mazaak uda gayi”

“Bhenchod, we almost banged my dad’s car getting into that shanty lane”. My old man was particularly touchy about that old fiat.
“Woh kabhi meri nahin hogi,lavda.”

Juggernaut had eyes for her ever since they’d been kids. Payal and her folks would come to stay with his family and the bugger would ditch me and get busy showing her the sights on his rickety old Royal Enfield we’d fondly come to know as Jaanu. Far from breathtaking mountains you get to see in bollywood romances, it was our own Potpoto nala that bore testament to the growth of that warm fuzzy faggotry called love in Juggernaut’s heart. Our Potopoto nala between the monsoons where she rages through anything in her path and the summers where she drifts with abandon has seen boys grow to men. She has seen blood spilt, and she has seen tears quietly cried into the night. Needless to say, Juggernaut’s advances were ignored. potpoto

To this day, I feel that he’s gotten nothing put contempt in return for his troubles, but try explaining that to a man in love.  He just nods his head like an idiot and pretends to agree while you and him both realize deep within that the time when he had any hope of controlling how he feels is now long passed. And so we bitch. We crib. And we blame life and fate for what was coveted most dearly but never possessed.

I quaffed off my drink and stubbed out my charminar.
“PYAAR kutti cheez hai. Jaane de raand ko.” Juggernaut isn’t the only one who turns into Mr-gand-maraye-duniya-dekh-lenge-bhenchod after downing a few.

“Raand nahi hai wo! Pyaar karte hain ussey. Payal ke siwa kuch nahin.”
Women being the fairer sex, and better versed in matters of love and human relationships will probably tell you different, but here’s what old Bhediya has learnt about love from his time spent on this planet.
First, the truest metric of a man’s love can be found in that he still loves a woman immediately after jerking off. After we are ‘done’, the next few seconds, the brain processes feelings of incredible remorse and disgust. Only true love can counteract that.
Or as a man better known for his eloquence in brevity once put it. “Tu hila ke browser ka tab band karta hai. Tab band nai kiya, toh pyaar hai tujhe.”

Second, there is no truer expression of a man’s loyalty that him stopping his degenerate friends from dragging his woman into the cycle of verbal perversion that constitutes just about every piece of conversation exchanged between the only the truest of friends. With that, Juggernaut had drawn a line in the sand. A line over a woman he’s never possessed, but a line nonethless.

“Get fucked! Bakchodi band kar, and give her an ultimatum. Aati hai toh aa, warna maa chuda.” Whoever says booze doesnt make you more of a man is telling you a filthy lie. Men dont solve problems. They refuse to deal with them completely, under the pretext of it not bothering them. If a bottle of whiskey and a few packs of toasted charminar dont put some hair on your chest, nothing will.

The smug bastard gave me an all-knowing smile, before whipping out his knife and stabbing inches deep into wood,as if to emphasize his clincher in that one glint of steel.
” MEGHNA!” he spat out with relish. The “Ab gaand phati naa teri,bhosadikey?” was silent.
It need not have been said out loud. My thoughts had turned to her a while back. They always did. The ‘suroor’ as we call it, doesn’t make you forget. It takes a doggone battering ram to the walls you try to build in haste as your world burns to the ground around you, grabbing you by the neck and thrusting you into a mexican standoff with your deepest fears and sorrows. In doing that, it turns pain to ache, a slow burning fuse of remorse and helplessness that does you the singular favour of being able to care immensely and not attaching plugged nickel’s worth to your existence, all at the same time. Courage, it fosters in merry abundance, but a tainted courage spawned from masochism. .To ache is feel. To feel is to live. To live is to die.

Jim Morrison sang out to me from Juggernaut’s fecal quality speakers.
“…Women seem wicked, when you’re unwanted. Streets are uneven when you’re down…”
The fuck did he know? Or maybe he knew something I didnt. The fuck did I know anyway?

I thumbed out a cigarette partially from the packet, bit down on the end and pulled it out.
Juggernaut, clicked out his zippo, the blue flame danced around ,raging ceaseless against the wind.
“Kyunki aap jaise mard ko poora santosh dena, charminar ka hi dum hai.”He proffered,along with his unenunciated sympathies and a wry smile.Nasty business, this.
The sutta lit up, and the battering ram breached through.

Après nous, le déluge

This needed to be said.Get the hell off my blog.

Man,fuck what they did to g.i.joe. The whole movie charade, with sienna miller’s tush in a catsuit being the only part of it that wasnt some beheading deserving blasphemy. This why this entire generation of kids is messed up. You dont beat them up with a belt often enough and they watch BEN TEN! FUCKING BEN TEN.. Try to buy them some real man-toys and what you get is clunky dolled up,doll like, doll SIZED excrement that passes for action figures in these days.
what are we catering for? fucking autistic cunts? Why would you want something sized and moulded like a fucking barbie with armour on.
Our GIJOE’s facial features were painted on! If your gijoe was old his features just started fading away. You pretended he was a burn victim who decided to continue with his life and take it like a man and not be an insufferable cunt and keep cribbing about it like that chick on the news debates (barkha dutt always has one. shes brought out just in time for her to guilt trip someone into agreeing with her agenda. Sometimes this chick is a guy lost his dad in a terror attack saying he doesnt blame ‘RELIGIOUS terrorism” for what happened.Sod her too.) The lesson is it taught you not to be a whus.

Dexterity is the reason for human civilisation. Those tiny pistols on small action figures made us precise with out hands. That’s why the best brain surgeons are guys. Our thoughts were constantly about “The ejection seat on my skystriker is not set right. I wonder if i can get QuickKick on this maisto harley…also can i pretend he’s super commando dhruv now?”

With so many spare parts we learnt to organise our shit. We never lost our weapons. If our gi joes snapped in two, or broke an arm or a leg.. we conducted ingenious repairs armed with rubber bands, screwdrivers and fevicol. We did it because we wouldnt be getting another one soon.

Here’s what happened three victims got together. One claimed that the small size made spastic kids feel left out. The next claimed that small parts were a safety risk. The last one probably managed to explain how rough hewn faces led young boys to dehumanise the other and created toxic masculinity…then the rest of the world pussied out. History will call it:The dark reign of intersectionality .The toymakers caved .The parents caved…and now we have bred a generation whussed out by playing with whus toys and who will probably be whus enough to make the toys even bigger for their kids. The cycles continues till the entire world is knocked out of orbit under the weight of a massive fucking gijoe. You morons have just triggered the destruction of the human race. Even if this shit drives me to the point where i just leave this planet for not wanting to associate with you, i’ll be lonely as spock in the star treck alternative timeline. And unlike what happened to him, i aint fornicating with no alien. Heck i cant even fornicate with manipuris. Ironically, only GIJOE could have rescured us from a catastrophe of this magnitude. But the catastrophe IS that they destroyed GIJOE. See this paradox? We are screwed.The Doomsday approaches. The horsemen will ride.

I would personally let the CEO of Funskool molest my child to get him a real gijoe.
Someone make this stop. If Dial Tone were here he’d kill you with rockets. I dont want to live on this planet anymore.

Sharaab, Shabab & Kebab- Part-1

‘Juggernaut’ Mukherjee stubbed out his cigarette , sighing out the last vestiges of smoke in his lungs, and looked up. “Moon’s out. Goons out”, he spat sardonically.

The roof of his under construction home on the outskirts of town had provided release from the drudgery and the life of quiet desperation elsewhere. It was a life where time and space came to a sludge halt and ennui took the day, encompassing mind, body and spirit alike. Fortunately, there was another kind of spirit, of a more physical nature being poured. He sighed again, and pushed a plastic glass of scotch my way. He quaffed his down in one go, with the usual petty machismo that he so prided himself on.

“Phillistine..” I muttered. Scotch was wasted on the bugger.
“What’s the point of drinking if you can still walk straight” he argued.
” Or not puke 2000 bucks of my money out onto the open fields. ” I countered.
” Remember that the next time you take a piss” came the retort.

“Fuck this shit.”.  I picked out another one of my beloved charminars and lit up.

There had been a fight earlier in the day. A “matter” in local parlance. Our ancestors were of the opinion that the root of every conflict lies in gold, land, or women. We were pilfering whatever money we could find lying around, and had run up debts in the low four figures at all local gumtis, for smokes. Suffice to say that zar, and zameen were not available to either person. Funnily enough, neither was a joru. But it didn’t matter. Some guy put his eyes on a woman, Juggernaut was eyeing before. A downward spiral of matter-of-honour speeches and tum-jaanta-hai-tum-kisse-baat-kar-raha-hais later, it was on. The fight had gone reasonably well. I had a bruised shin, and he had a twisted arm, and shirts spattered with the blood of the henchmen the other guy had managed to conjure out of thin air ( Pulped cheeks. Thankfully it hadn’t come to knives. We were packing anyway. It was good practice). He had obviously paid in cash for their services on the day, and would be ambushed later. Such things were taken as assumed. If fighting is art, the muse of the gory performance (A rather plain looking belle called Payal), knew nothing, and whiled away in ignorant bliss. The pointlessness of it didn’t matter. The days were dreary, and getting drearier. A fight, if only momentarily, provided some release from the quagmire of quiet desperation. Oddly enough, it took that kind of chaos to find some meaning.  As men, we were built for combat. To be belligerent. To take slights upon real or perceived honour up , upon the tips of our blades. To shield and annhiliate in equal measure. “To slay a motherfucking sabre-toothed tiger with a motherfucking pointy stick”, as one friend put it. The passivity of civilisation, provides comfort, but neuters us all the same. In world where ideals like hierarchy, honour and loyalty on the pain of death, is seen as a regression to savagery, our very bodies ached for it all the same. In a way, the only release from the ache was pointless fights, sexual bravado, and binge drinking.
The fact that a man I owed my loyalty to, had seen fit to enter combat, no matter how foolish his reasons, precluded the possibility of me questioning his intentions, or the very idea of me not jumping into the fray, though not before calling him a jobless fuckwit.
And so the cries of war had ebbed to be replaced by a flow of good old Teacher’s Whiskey. It had not been the lust for gore that had bloodied the day for me , but intangibles like loyalty, unquestioned, and probably juvenile.

There was no electricity for a few hundred metres. The stars lit up the night sky, entire galaxies spreading out, crystal clear. I lay down, one arm behind my head, trying to make out a few constellations.
“Yaar, Zindagi  kutti cheez hai” Juggernaut moaned. I could see that he was just getting started.
“Sutta Dio”. When there is booze flowing like the goddamn Potpoto Nala in her monsoon swells, talk of that other, much more potent intoxicant- Women, can never be too far off. The lighter clicked, and i braced myself….